Sexual harassment

I was talking to a lesbian friend yesterday about how lesbians indicate interest in another lesbian. She is very attractive and gets a lot of interest from other lesbians. But as she said – “A woman will say to me something like, you want to go for a coffee, or you want to get together? Most of the time I say no. She will go okay, or uhmmm and then walk away…

But when guys used to come on to me it would be – come on, you will love it, you know we should get together, we would be great together. I used to have to say no 3, 4, 5 times, before they would actually believe that I really wasn’t interested in them.”

And its true. Straight women do have lots of pressure from men who are interested, to get them to agree to date them or become their partner. And lesbians generally just don’t behave like this.

So next time you say no to a woman who is interested in you, just be glad you only have to say it once.

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There is a wide level of standards of grooming amongst women. For me going out means a shower, quick blow dry of my hair and changing into clothes I like. For other going out means a long time spent waxing, applying make up and painting your nails. Both straight and lesbian women take both approaches.

However it is true to say that lesbians are less likely to spend lots of time in grooming and far less likely to expect their partners and friends to do so.

That suits me. I am basically lazy about this kind of stuff. Long before I was into feminism, I would spend a pretty minimal amount of time getting ready to go out. Clean and presentable has always been enough in my book.

So next time either you or a friend spends 20 minutes getting ready to go out for the evening, be glad as a lesbian that it is easier to choose to do this.

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Careers and earnings

It may surprise you to know that lesbians in general earn more than straight women. Yes it has been researched, check it here.

And this goes for all lesbians no matter how poor or well off your family background. Of course it doesn’t mean that all lesbians are rich. But the chances are that you will be earning more than the straight girls you went to school with.

Nobody knows why this is the case, but there are different theories about it. These include that teenage girls growing up knowing they were lesbian, are less likely to fantasise about having a partner who will be the main breadwinner and “look after them”. They know they will have to earn their own living. And so this encourages young lesbians to work harder at school and get established in the job market.

Another theory is that lesbians are less likely to have children. Until very recently, lesbians having children, unless they had already been married to a male partner, were pretty rare. We all know women who take time out of the workplace to have children suffer career wise for this. So the less lesbians have children, the less likely they are to suffer career wise.

A third theory is that lesbians are more likely to prioritise their own education. It is still common if straight couples don’t have much money for the family to support the man to increase his level of education e.g. go back to college. My brother and sister-in-law did this and I see other straight couples doing this as well. Of course in lesbian couples there is no man to prioritise. And so amongst the lesbian couples I know, it is far more common to take turns in terms of supporting each other to improve a partner’s level of education. And although it is not automatic, an improved education does increase your chances of earning more.

And lastly, as the research shows, lesbians are more likely to choose work in traditionally male dominated careers. These tend to be better paid than female dominated industries. Perhaps lesbians by already defying what is expected of women, are more willing to defy expectations when it comes to career choices as well.

Personally, I think it is probably a combination of all these factors. So remember next time you are grumbling about your wage packet, the chances are that you are earning more than your straight counterparts.

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Grooming Part Two

I have a straight friend who earns more than me in a pretty well paid job. She lives alone in a modest house she is buying. But I couldn’t understand how, even though she earned much more than me, she always seemed short of money. Of course, it was none of my business, so I didn’t say anything. But after yet another end of the month where she was struggling, she asked me if I would sit down with her and help her look at a budget. I agreed.

So we met up and sat and looked at her monthly income and what she was spending it on, and suddenly her lack of money became clear. She was spending an absolute fortune on grooming. Regularly buying make up, new clothes and glossy women’s magazines, paying for visits to the salon for leg waxes, highlights and hair cuts and buying a range of “pampering” expensive bathing products.

Now I know not all straight women spend their money this way. But a lot of single childless women do spend a significant proportion of their income on grooming.

A UK poll found that 93% of women spend on average up to £150 a month on clothes and 87% of women spend on average up to £100 a month on grooming and beauty products. And I am sure the average expenditure will be much higher for women who do not have children. 

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And although a small number of lesbians also do this, it is a small number. Most childfree lesbians instead spend any extra money on going out and having a good time. And that is because most lesbians don’t care if their girlfriend waxes her legs or buys expensive clothes.

Most lesbians are happy if their girlfriend showers regularly and wears clean clothes. Sure we might admire a nice shirt or blouse. But our expectations in terms of grooming are usually way lower than the average straight man has of his female partner.

So next time you are bemoaning your lack of money, be glad that your girlfriend is unlikely to expect you to spend your hard earned cash on lots of grooming.

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Lack of contraception

This is an obvious one! Lesbians obviously can’t make each other pregnant and so there is no need for contraception. So no need to mess about with condoms or to take hormones regularly that may have unpleasant side effects. And no fear if you have had an accident and are waiting for the pregnancy test to tell you whether you are pregnant or not.

Of course without the risk of an unwanted pregnancy goes the problems of deciding what to do if this happens. Deciding whether you want an abortion or to continue with the pregnancy.

Many post menopausal straight woman say they enjoy having sex without the fear of an unwanted pregnancy. As lesbians all of our sex is like that.

So next time you are having great lesbian sex, just remember how much greater it is that you don’t have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. Enjoy!

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Looking Young

I am a feminist and of course I know that it is fine to look your age. There is no need to look younger than you really are. But in general, I think lesbian women do look younger than straight women. Why this is I don’t know. But I think it is really noticeable.

I look around at my lesbian friends in their 40’s and 50’s and most of them still look reasonably young. Okay nobody is going to mistake them for a 20 year old. But they don’t look old either. Amongst straight women some still look relatively young, but some look so old.

Is this because they are worn down with looking after men and kids, while generally lesbians are able to concentrate more on themselves? I don’t know. But it is something that amongst lesbian friends we all have noticed and commented on.

So women, ditch those age defying creams and become a lesbian instead.

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No pressure to have kids

Now kids can be great – funny, sweet and great to be with. But one of the things I hear straight women complain about, is the pressure they get put under to have kids. As soon as they marry or settle down with a man, relatives start asking – “when are you going to have children?” Or worse – “I would love to have grandchildren.” Some who have decided not to have kids complain about the constant pressure to change their minds.

As a lesbian you just don’t get this. Now I am aware this come from homophobia i.e. most people don’t think you should have kids anyway. But if you don’t want children, this lack of pressure is great. It means you can get on with your life living it the way you want to, with freedom from this constant pressure.

So while my brother-in-law gets asked constantly by his parents when is he going to get married and oh, by the way, he had better hurry up as he is running out of time to have kids; my girlfriend hasn’t had this once. In fact they don’t interfere at all. Its as if they don’t have any blueprint in their head of what a lesbian relationship “should” be like and so they have nothing to compare and contrast with. Which is great.

So if you are childless and want to remain so, be glad that you don’t get pressure to have kids and don’t get asked to constantly justify why you don’t want kids.

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